Dishes

I had a dream about her last night. She was getting ready for the wedding. My cousin got married yesterday. She had to pick out an outfit and did not care for the pink print and flowers of her top. It had shoulder pads and she laughed at it. My grandmother was there too. I remembered that in my dream I woke up... at least I think I was dreaming and cried. Who knows... I may have been crying and went back to sleep. Just thinking about it, I'm a mess... Iwas washing the dishes and now I sit here in the kitchen typing and crying. I miss her. It's so unreal.

Easter

I'm going to be a god mother, a padrina, a nina. I'm looking forward to it. The problem is that I find myself think about the dress a lot. My god daughter is a little thick and we may have a hard time looking for a dress. The first time this came up as an issue I immediately though, oh My nina can make her a dress... my nina passes away from cancer last year.... 10 months ago. I still crumple down at times a cry. I miss her. It's almost like I have not gone to visit and I just need to drive over to say hi. The problem is she is no longer there. The house is no longer there, she is not even buried anywhere. So I carry her. I carry her in my thoughts, I carry her in my memories, I carry her.